Body Image: Beauty In Diversity

Diversity is one of the things which first struck me in my early days of going to leather bars. 

I remember being able to stand in one place and with one sweeping glance gaze upon: old and young, twink and bear, model handsome and average Joe, drag queens and uber macho, and everyone in between.  When I witnessed everyone comfortable in their second skins, to me they were all beautiful, because they were being their truest self.  And, in coming up on sixteen years in leather bars, it’s still one of the things I enjoy the most: diverse beauty. 

As a minority in the leather scene, I’ve never been able to blend.  I’m a nearly six feet tall woman, large, thick, and curvy, chock full of T&A, and overtly feminine.  I own pink leather and I wear open toed heels (with toenails painted, of course) to tantalize those into feet.  I love boots, and they are de rigueur in our scene, but most don’t go with what I enjoy wearing.  Those close to me know I have fantasies about blending and being one of the anonymous guys, but I don’t see that ever happening.  One late night out, long, long ago, a group of leathermen tried to teach me how to walk like a man.  In heels, slightly cocktailed, and with hips like mine it was an amusing but not successful lesson. 

I’ve been the “odd man out” my entire life.  On the first day of kindergarten, I was the freak who could read who was also tallest person in class.  In third grade, I was the size of a small woman (without the breasts, those didn’t start to appear until my junior year) and had a large overbite.  There was no way I could hide and was teased daily.  Even when I was little, I was never little.  I was never at odds with myself; I was just me.  I was teased though daily, for one thing or another, in school until my senior year.

I didn’t experience body Nazis in the leather community until I encountered and became deeply involved with the contest circuit.  When I competed regionally many moons ago, one of the newbie Ms. contestants essentially voiced she had this in the bag because she was a size six. 

She didn’t. (She did flatten the tires on my car though.)

There was a pretty notorious and well discussed example of this which happened in Cleveland a few years back.  A good man, who had shed much of his weight and been in the community for quite sometime, stepped up to compete.  During the contest, he was publically criticized by one of the judges for the appearance of excess skin and that he should “do something about that before he considers competing again.” 

Is this what our community wants to foster?

All of us have different esthetics we find pleasing, and that’s human nature. For me, as a judge, personality, integrity, passion, dedication, and experience trump the cut-out coverboy look anytime.  Most times, I’m in the minority, as the overall voting will go to the hot piece of ass which might or might not have been coached to say all the right things over the man who has served his community and lived and loved in his own leathers.

Years ago, I was angrily confronted by a man in a leather bar who had himself fired up about me from listening to gossip.  The opening gem, and the only thing he could think of was to tell me to “get my fat ass out of the bar.”  Quite ironically, this loud slave was short, bald, not conventionally handsome, and quite round himself.

If he’s reading, I’d like him to know many have worshiped my fat ass.

As an adult and dominant, I’ve enjoyed being a formidable woman, as do my paramours.  I have large frame; shoulders of a line backer, a large hip to waist ratio, and a crazy long inseam, all these qualities can be frustrating to clothe, but still I liked myself and my body.  Those who know me well, know I don’t eat excessively or unhealthy; the statue of people in my bloodline for the most part tend to be large and statuesque.  I am not diabetic and my cholesterol levels are perfect.  A few years ago, the familial high blood pressure trait kicked in almost overnight.  With treatment it’s not high, and has been dropping as I’ve been in the gym. 

Over the past year, I’ve lost over eighty pounds, and have been in the gym on the average of at least four days a week.  My body is changing weekly.

 (Photo taken last IML.  I've changed a bit since then.)

You might think it’s an oxymoron to read I’ve always felt happy with myself but now I’m in the working out.  The gyms I had experienced had been very pretentious.  Many of the women in expensive work out wear, while I was in a baggy t-shirt and well, you get the picture.  One weekend last April, I went to the gym with Michael and really enjoyed myself.  I signed up for a membership that very day.  At that time I was approaching forty, and reasoned, “why not be the best forty I can be?”  Going to the gym for two hours, has become my “me time” where I can listen to my music and focus on being in my body.  I will say there have been incredible changes in both mind and body.

Currently, I’m a woman’s size 16/18, and it’s not my goal to ever become small, only to be more healthy, more powerful, and the best me I can be.

Next time you go out in leather, I’d like for you to do something, if you would.  Instead of just cruising for your type, look around and find one thing you find beautiful in every leatherperson you see: man and woman, old and young, twink and bear, model handsome and average Joe, drag queens and uber macho, and everyone in between. 

Recognize and support beauty in diversity, because it’s one of the gifts of our community we really shouldn’t waste.  The Tom of Finland ideal does not exist, or it would have been photographed, not drawn.  

(Originally published on Leatherati: http://www.leatherati.com/2014/03/beauty-in-diversity/ )