Monday, September 23, 2013

She's Here In A Man's Bar

This small piece  was written for last week's launch of e.Gay Magazine.  


It does my heart well to see the community outpouring of support for transgender men, but I have to say I wonder when the same level of support will be behind the women who have earned a place in the leather community.

***

The lone, and potentially uncomfortable, woman you take a moment to say hello at a bar night to could be the next woman to make a huge impact in the leather community.

I’m not talking about the obnoxious groups of bachelorettes which occasionally pop into the bars, and just so you know, leather women aren’t fans of them either.  I’m referring to the woman quietly observing, taking everything in, and hoping someone makes eye contact with her. 

Please don’t be tempted to shun her because of her gender, or even to ridicule her based upon it.  You could probably put money on the fact she would have your back if someone made a homophobic slur or tried to bash you leaving the bar tonight. 

All a man needs to be accepted with open arms into the leather realm is a penis and a reasonably fair attitude.  You recognize I’m being kind here; all you really need is a penis.  But a woman needs to be brave, unafraid of work, dedicated, resilient, and able to hold her own… without a penis.

She might not be able to be served at the bar, have a place to empty her bladder, or afforded the same courtesy as the men there.  She might be ignored totally or verbally abused; I am not yet sure which is best for what she hopes to accomplish.

She might not own any leather yet, but look carefully and try to see her for who she is and for the leatherwoman she could become. 

All she wants is to be able to learn your ways, contribute as she can, earn a place to stand shoulder to shoulder with you, and hopefully be accepted for who she is. 

She’s here in a man’s bar because she feels this is her tribe; she’s on a journey with no map to find her way home… and wondering if she will find a locked door when she arrives.


While I don’t know the exact stories of all leatherwomen, I know this is the common story of people whom are minorities in some fashion.

I know the road is easier with people who love and accept us.  I’d like to say thank you to those loved ones, friends and family, who have made my journey what it is and I am sure these women feel the same.  

No matter if you are a leatherman or a leatherwoman, we all want the same things.  Freedom of expression and sexuality, equal rights, a space to call home, love, a cure for HIV, happiness, stability, peace, and to get our freak on with the ones we choose. 

I wonder if we can do those things together without sex being the almighty divider.

Love and Leather,

Lady Justice

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